Michael Hutchison: July 2007 Archives

Cpl. Otter doesn't have the link to get in to the blog, so I'm reposting this here for him. (Otter: Here's the link so you can post in the future.)

I am here in San Diego for the Big Geek Weekend. I guess that makes me a big geek. Are there any other Monitor Dutiers here? I went Wednesday for Pre-view Night. On Thursday, I went with my family to Disneyland, but I'm back at the Con for today (Friday) and tomorrow (Saturday). Sunday is still up in the air, but if I do go, it will likely only be in the morning.

It's crazy busy here. The convention itself is sold out for the first time ever. I thought about trying to write something for Monitor Duty, but the fact of the matter is that when you're in the midst of it here, it's almost impossible to know what is going on. I was excited to get back to the hotel today in order get on the Internet and find out what actually happened.

So far, I've only been to one panel- the DC Nation one at 6:00 Friday. By the time I got back to the hotel, Comic Book Resources had already posted a write up on it. I have been able to get a few autographs- Paul Dini, Greg Horn, Scott Shaw! and some others. For anyone who read my previous post on the Toronto Comic Con, I did find Lianna K, wearing her Power Girl outfit again.

I could post pictures and video of what I’ve seen here, but I won’t be able to for at least another week and a half, when I’ll be back at my home computer. By then, it hardly seems like news any more and there are hundreds of other people posting similar items as I type this. Would anyone still be interested?

On Saturday, I'm going to certainly try to be at the Heroes session, wearing my "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World" t-shirt. So will thousands of other people, I'm sure.

My biggest complaint about television cartoons is that they don't allow you to see the humanoid animals eating poop. Thankfully, movies don't have that limitation, which is why the same industry that brought you giant robots peeing can now show you Alvin the chipmunk eating poop.

Thank God. I was worried they'd go for something wholesome and positive. Let's hope the movie also has their chipmunk girlfriends dressed like skanks while Theodore belts out "Sexual Healing".

The Dark Knight Teaser Trailer hit YouTube...and was yanked before I could even link to it!

However, Cinematical stayed on the case and followed along with DC's Comic Con teaser game which eventually gives a link to the video. Now you can see it at WhySoSerious.com

UPDATE: I should mention, it's just a teaser trailer. No pictures from the movie at all, just a slowly revealed Bat-symbol over some dialogue. Not a big deal, really. It's probably pretty cool if you're watching it in a theater and this starts revealing itself, but if you're looking for substance you'll have to wait for the next trailer.

Jim Carrey returns to the world of Dr. Seuss. Thankfully, they didn't try for a trifecta of gawrshawful live action adaptations of Mr. Geisel's works; this one's animated. It's a start. Hopefully there won't be any striped-hat-as-penis jokes this time.

Honestly, the big problem with these full-length movie versions of Dr. Seuss books is NOT the disturbing sight of a forty-year-old comedian in heavy makeup doing schtick while destroying all of your fond memories of a beloved children's book. Actually............... okay, actually that IS the big problem, but what I'm saying is that there's a more fundamental problem which even this beautiful animated version may have difficulty overcoming.

Simply put, Dr. Seuss books are simple and short. When they were adapted into television specials, the books had to be greatly padded with songs in order to fill up 22 minutes (sans commercials). Going to feature film length of 90 minutes or more? That's when you get the Grinch's backstory about how the Whos mistreated him.

I love The Lorax. The Once-lers, You need a Thneed and all that. But I'd hate to ee it padded out. A 90 minute movie with five or six different short adaptations of Seuss stories would be so much more entertaining than coming up with Horton improv to fill time and depart from the heart of the story.

By the way...in case you aren't creeped out by the live action Cat in the Hat, you will be.

You will be.

Steve Carell as Maxwell Smart? Looks like he manages to make it his own character while playing it true to the spirit of Don Adams. I was worried that he'd do an Adams impersonation. Anne Hathaway as agent 99 should be good; I'm a sucker for her.

Too bad that the shoe phone thing is totally irrelevant in the age of the iPhone.

Not a new trailer, but I just discovered this one. It's opening in theaters in three weeks.

Comic Con in San Diego is this weekend, so plenty of movie companies have been saving their fanboy movie announcements for the convention. There will also be plenty of comic book news. My buddy Chuck Dixon has had a major announcement which he's been keeping close to the vest...reportedly involving his writing an ongoing series featuring a character he's written before. Batman? Punisher? Robin? Perhaps Teen Titans since Robin is the leader? I'll let you know when it's made public.

Robert Zemeckis' new movie "Beowulf" has its trailer debut. I was hesitant to watch this one because Robert Zemeckis has this annoying tendency to ruin his movies by intentionally telling you how the movies end in the trailers. Fear not, you can watch this one. It doesn't reveal anything aside from a naked Angelina Jolie (and no, that's not some lure to get you to watch the trailer; she's shot from the neck up).

I must be the only guy who feels nothing looking at Angelina Jolie. She's so over-hyped and I just don't get the appeal. It's not like she's Jennifer Connelly or anything.

So... Beowulf, eh? I read the book, back in college. Frankly, it's boring. I think it's a Citizen Kane thing where you have to respect it as a monumental influence on all that came later, but because it's been so influential it's hard to appreciate on its own merits.

Want to know the entire story of Beowulf? This is, I suppose, a spoiler, but it's not much of one:

The guy behind the "300" movie adaptation is now tackling one o the most impossible-to-adapt comic books ever: "Watchmen"

At the Comic Con they've announced the cast list. I didn't even do any Googling of the names before posting this because I like my first reaction better: 5 of the 6 are unknowns to me, whereas I've heard of Billy Crudup and will probably kick myself once I look up his name, but the important thing is that it's not a bunch of stars.

Just my personal opinion, and probably one that many of you hold as well...but I think movies are better when they're free of meddling, powerful stars. I'm glad Tom Cruise, Jude Law and Keanu wanted too much money.

As for the movie: I really do wish them the best of luck. They're trying to adapt a book that is almost pivotally mid-1980s, and I don't know how it will work post-Cold War. The length is a problem, too. I once thumbed through my well-worn hardcover, mentally whittling it down to just the essentials to make a three-hour movie. Simply put, you have to start sacrificing the babies to come up with a movie. And let's face it, a good director wants time to play, not just to jump through every scene as fast as possible. Imagine how lovely the scene where they take out Archie could be if you give it some time to play out and show off the beauty of Nite Owl's flying ship. Say, ten, fifteen minutes out of the picture for that chapter alone.

It's possible to make Watchmen into a movie, I'm sure of it. But it really would work better as a mini-series on TV.

"Get a toast together and make it quick We've gotta make room for Andy Dick..." "Christmas Time In Hell"

I've been rejoicing at the story of Jon Lovitz giving a long-overdue beatdown to Andy Dick.

Ostensibly, it was because Andy Dick had told Jon Lovitz the last time they'd met, "I put the Phil Hartman hex on you! You're the next one to die." Jon had hoped for an apology, while Dick didn't recall saying it. (Jon doesn't drink and Dick is rarely if ever sober, so you can guess who might have the better recall.)

However, the resentment goes farther back. During a Christmas party at Phil Hartman's house, Andy Dick had reintroduced Brynn Hartman to cocaine after a decade of sobriety, and five months later Brynn shot Phil while she was inebriated.

Jon's buddy Dennis Miller had him recount the whole affair for his radio show. Download. Listen.

Way to go, Jon!

The reclusive Alan Moore has decided to make a public appearance at the grand opening of a new American comic book shop. The nice thing is, we will all have the opportunity to attend, as it will be televised.

An unexpected ending. Nice!

Well, okay, not unexpected in that it's an established character who can never have a resolution or there'd be no stories (i.e. sequels...cash). But the whole movie, Cage's character is trying to find some way to escape the deal. Finally, the devil tells him that his work is finished and he's free to go. Faced with the prospect of the devil purchasing another soul, probably through the same kind of trickery that Mephistopheles used on him, Blaze rejects it and says that he will use the Ghost Rider to do good.

How many people could take that kind of burden, especially with Eva Mendes (and the possibility of a normal life with her) standing right there? It makes me want to see what the next movie will be, once free of the origin story which is, in many ways, formulaic. (Fight your way up through the baddies, each with his own shtick, and then take on the Boss.)

This movie had some flaws but it's amazing to see it tanking in the Tomatometer ratings when it's hardly a bad film.

Now. Some of the things I didn't like.

I realize I'm in a minority but I just hate property damage. Sorry, I can't divorce myself from the thoughts of how much it'll cost to repair the road, how expensive panes of glass are, how unfair it is of the rider to be destroying people's cars.

Yes, I have the same problem with every superhero movie. It's why I can't get into the "Hulk Smash" thing.

Sam Elliot should have been more integral than just showing the Rider where he has to go, handing him a gun and then leaving.

Every time I see Eva Mendes, I wonder how old Cage is supposed to be playing in order to be the same age as her.

The hellfire thing...why would hellfire bother demons? And how can Ghost Rider "kill" them by sending them to hell? I keep expecting them to show up and say, "Well, where was I going to go, Detroit?"

Oh, and I can't believe I was right about the girlfriend thing. Biggest cliche in the movie; I wish superhero movies in particular could move past that one.

It was nice to see Blaze's appreciation for the cops. The scene in jail was great.

Oh great. The devil's kid saw Ghost Rider and Simpson exchanging looks. He's going to kidnap her, isn't he?

Sorry for the delay. Right in the middle of posting, Movable Type decided to upgrade its system! Thank goodness for the back button.

I cannot remember the girlfriend's name, but she just came into Blaze's huge loft. (You'd think a celebrity would have raving fans camped outside. She found it easily enough; it must be public knowledge.)

So this segment covers his transformation and first outing of Ghost Rider, plus the scene with the Beef Council guy. Would it be fair to say that Sam Elliot elevates the movie completely? The camera loves him, and though I've guessed enough about his character's background, it's also clear he's the voice of salvation for Blaze. So far, there are crosses in every shot of Elliot.

Not much else to say. Back to it.

Oh. I know it's supposed to be a disturbing voice, but I find the Ghost Rider's voice a little too... I dunno... fakey?

I've stopped it at the point where the Blaze guy turns into Ghost Rider for the first time. Is it just me, or did they superimpose Bruce Campbell's face over Cage's as his face is burning? It looks and sounds like an Evil Dead movie!

Again, the art direction on this movie is the best. If people didn't like the movie, it must be because of the story itself, because so far the production gets kudos from me. I love the subtle CGI. That sounds stupid in a movie where the main character and a lot of the action is CGI, but the special effects that really work are the skulls that show up in flashes and flickers, the devil's shadow (forgot to comment on that before) showing his true form in a flash of lightning, the glowing of an eye for just a moment... that is artistry.

Can't say I'm all that impressed by the villain, who looks like a pasty (well, pastier) Harry Potter. His offing of innocent people just out of spite is not really doing much for me. I've seen it too much; such random cruelty is so overplayed that it has lost all its sting.

Yet there's some good writing in the movie, too. Cage's reuniting with his old girlfriend on the freeway is a cute scene. I like his blowing her big interview because he doesn't even seem aware of the camera (serves her right for not even giving him ten seconds to talk to her before starting). Standing her up for a date because he has to go be Ghost Rider, though? Too Superman.

I should mention...this is all going to be spoiler-filled. With comic book movies these days, I assume the readership has seen them many times before I get to watch them.

OK, I paused it 20 minutes in to come in here and type. That's right up to the point that the kid turns into Hi McDunnough.

So far, the origin story is stylish and very well-told, but there aren't any surprises. I don't think there's much you can do with a "sold your soul to the devil" that would come off as original, so instead the movie goes for an iconic treatment. The showboating protege, the dad who's dying of cancer, the girl who wants to run away with him, carving initials in a tree...it's intended to look like a story we've seen before. This runs the risk of being seen as unoriginal, hokey or trite. Frankly, the acting and the art direction make it work.

Remember the circus scene in Batman Forever? Schumacher had to adapt a story that most any Bat-fan knows by heart, and one that might look hokey to a modern movie audience. He could have done it the Ghost Rider way and done it straight (ahem!), with the clowns, elephant, big top tent, the whole nine yards, and just tried to set up a number of iconic images. Instead, he moves it inside a building, throws tons of spinning garish lights about and has oiled musclemen beating on gigantic drums while...actually, that's all I can remember about the scene. It was hideous, but at least it was different.

Me? I like this approach. Like the Western story that precedes it, it has the iconic simplicity of a legend.

And now we begin the modern day story.

Oh dear. Not a good start. Cage crashes his bike and the "paramedics" run up to him.

He slammed his head into a wall and his helmet has shattered. The "paramedic" (actually, it looks more like a roadie) PULLS HIS HELMET OFF AND THEN SLAPS HIM IN THE FACE.

You know, I'm no hoity-toity paramedic, but I think I'd keep him immobile until he can get his spine x-rayed. At the very least, I wouldn't intentionally wrench his neck around and then hit him! Am I the only one thinking this? It seems so blindingly obvious that I can't believe it made it on film this way.

Maybe the opening 20 minutes were the best part. Oh well...onward!

Here's something we've never done before on this site. I'm going to watch "Ghost Rider" for the first time (The Extended Version, although I've no idea what scenes are new) and give you guys my feedback as the movie goes along.

When it comes to Ghost Rider, I am as near a blank slate as most any comic lover could be. I don't read Marvel Comics, which is probably why I can enjoy all the X-Men and Spider-Man movies without nitpicking. I don't bring any baggage about characterization. I've never read a single X-Men comic, and the only Spider-Man comics I ever read were Spidey Super-Stories with the Electric Company characters in them.

With Ghost Rider, it's even more so. I don't know the guy's origin, I don't know his name, I don't know what he does in the comics aside from riding a motorcycle with a flaming skull (his, not the motorcycle, I mean). Complete blank slate outside of what the trailers told me. I didn't even read any online reviews of the movie, so I don't know what the consensus of fandom was.

When Dr. Who appears, I thought this was filmed when Benny Hill was still alive! It's just a much older Colin Baker.

Saw Transformers tonight. I may have a short commentary on it (you've all seen it and don't need a review) this weekend. But right now I just had to show you one of the coolest trailers I've seen in a while.

From what we can tell, it's a monster movie, but shown from the eyes of one group of people instead of following the monster.

It's a new movie produced by J. J. Abrams (Lost, M:I 3, Alias, etc.). The stars? Nobodies. (Amazing!) And the trailer is up even though the movie is not named yet.

Is it because they haven't thought up a name? Or is this a super-secret under wraps project because if it was called "Mechagodzilla" or something like that we'd run screaming in fear that Mathew Broderick and Jean Reno were back? What do you all think?

Rotten Tomatoes list of Comic Book Movies, Worst to Best, has more than a few problems.

It is, like all of Tomatometer, generated entirely statistically, with a weighted formula from the number of reviews, etc.

As I started clicking page-by-page through the results, I started getting my nose out of joint. For starters, there are all of the recent mediocre Marvel movies which are sitting BELOW some of the most painful dreck imaginable.

Now, I have seen Punisher and I know it wasn't great, but how is Thomas Jane's Punisher ranked far lower than the atrocious TANK GIRL? Is Ghost Rider (which I haven't seen yet but have heard good things of the "not great but fun" variety) truly so unwatchable? These movies are ranked 73 and 72, respectively. BELOW Superman III, Howard the Duck, Spawn and the execrable Richie Rich (and I like Macauley and Larroquette, but the movie utterly failed to capture the comic and I dare anyone to watch that film more than once).

Speaking of unwatchable, I think Judge Dredd is a flawed but fun hoot, though it's ranked at #82. Steel, let's face it, can't get an honest evaluation when the star is Shaq.

The movies I just listed rank BELOW Dennis Miller's "Bordello of Blood".

Garfield isn't my cup of tea, but the movies were modest successes and I believe audiences liked them more than the critics did, but they're at the bottom of the list just above "Son of the Mask".

Plus, is it really right to mix movies that may have origins in comic media but aren't regarded as "comic book movies", like Virus and The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green?

Let's keep going up the list. Remember, all the movies I have just listed, plus Superman 3 and 4, Supergirl and Fantastic Four are below the following:

This last season did have a truly awesome episode, "Blink", in which two characters guided by the Doctor have to confront super-fast creatures that can only move when they're not being looked at.

A truly creepy premise, and there are some very intense scenes where a guy has to force his eyes open while the girl who is with him takes way too long fussing with doors and doesn't come back to relieve him so he can blink. Of course, he lasts a very long time without blinking...more than enough time for Kirk to free the whales and get to the surface, if you get my drift.

It's the most unsettling episode, because what could you possibly do if the moment you blink, you're dead? I mean, there's no way...

Oh, wait. Close one eye, then the other.

(Or you could lick your eyeballs like lizards do, provided you're Gene Simmons.)

Dang. I haven't been this disappointed since one of Kurt Busiek's earliest comic works in JLA. Kurt wrote this awesome story where the JLA faces off against Paragon, who has all of their powers and intellect, amplified, whenever they are near him. At the end, finally defeating him, Firestorm asks how they can possibly contain him.

I love that story. Love that ending.

And then, years later, I realized Paragon can easily be kept in any basic prison.

Napoleon Dynamite in 30 seconds with bunnies. It's incredible. It's like...the most amazing cartoon I've ever seen!

I used to live in Roseville, MN, a northern suburb of St. Paul. By "suburb" I mean that it really used to be what people in St. Paul regarded as out in the boonies, and now you could never tell where one ended and the next began and you have to drive another 20 minutes to get to the outlying suburbs. Nevertheless, it was a suburb and I was reasonably content to stay on the highways and leave only to visit malls and such.

Few things frightened me more than someone asking me to meet them downtown. Frankly, it didn't matter which downtown. Jesse Ventura once got in trouble for criticizing St. Paul's city design as being planned by Irish drunks. St. Paul is winding and irregular and confusing. Minneapolis is gridlike and confusing. The main source of confusion in both lies in the high number of one-way streets. Now, in a sensible city, you could go one block further and turn the direction you want to go, but in downtown Minneapolis the next block may be a pedestrian mall, or a bus-only road, or the block extends twice as far and then you're back at a one-way going the wrong way again, and then one block more and you are being directed onto the highway entrance!

Don't believe me? Watch the number of turns this guy has to make changing from one main street to another! This video shows a quick tour around the cities.

(Nice techno music, by the way. There's one bit after he gets on Hennepin heading back from Uptown where he hits a major intersection and the music builds until exactly when the light turns green. Probably not planned that way at all, but cool!)

Hat tip to James Lileks.

As a writer, I both laughed and cringed when I read Strange Horizons' Stories We've Seen Too Often as well as their similar list of Horror Plots.

It reminds me of when Fanzing's story editor finally had to put a moritorium on Nightwing stories, specifically:
The ones where he and Kory end up together.
The ones where he and Barbara Gordon end up together.
The ones where he finally has a real talk with Batman about all his repressed feelings due to Batman's coldness.

Just in case you didn't get my reference for the subject line:

Here, for good measure, are the others:

Bob and Brian discuss why the Adam West Batman TV show went off the air when it was so good, what the best episode might be ("Batman, the other way or alive"), and how the old people on TV may just seem that way.

Oops...I was going to link you to the stand-alone podcast, but they're having HTML problems. Here's the page, and you can subscribe to the podcast to see this most recent episode (entitled "Batman", dated July 2nd, 2007)

Seriously. Spoilers. I'm going to talk freely about the finale of the third season of the new Doctor Who. All of you who are waiting for it to show on Sci-Fi Network should bookmark this for much later.

From here on out, there be spoilers.

My brother, Andy Hutchison, is an Air Force master sergeant with an AWACS team that flew their plane to Hollywood last September for a day or two of filming. This is the first movie to show a real AWACS (the plane with the giant frisbee antennae on its butt); the one that flies into the wall of fire in Independence Day was a fake set. He's heard from a friend who (ahem) somehow has seen the movie already that their scene is cut out. I may end up waiting to see him on the DVD's deleted scenes.

When my brother was on the set, he was hanging out with some of the film crew and talking to them, plus ogling the fancy cop car because it was a new model that was unreleased last summer. He was chatting with a guy his age, figuring he's a cameraman or something. Finally my brother asked what the guy did on the set. Taken aback, he replied, "I'm Josh Duhamel! I'm starring in the movie!"

What can he say? My brother hasn't seen "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton".

I was going to tell you all this story ages ago...in the first installment of our podcast. I had so many problems putting it together that I shelved it for the time being...and haven't gotten back to it. Now the story will be horribly outdated if I ever post it. What do you all think? Want to hear it just as an MP3?