Michael Hutchison: October 2005 Archives

It took me three weeks due to vacation and illness...and prepping all the images, of which there are many...but here is my summary of FallCon 2005. Sorry it's a bit late, but I think it's worth it. FallCon is the annual October two-day convention held at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds in St. Paul, MN, by the Minnesota Comic Book Association. They also hold a one-day MicroCon in the spring, and I attend those as well.

I've been attending FallCon for at least 8 years now, and now that I've been to several mid-western conventions I think I can safely say that it is the best by far. I hope you...yes, specifically YOU, dear reader...will put it on your calendar for next October. It's always well-attended, and yet it really deserves to have about three times as many people there.

This was a bittersweet convention for me because it's the last one I'll be able to attend with my regular artist, Phil Meadows. Next year, Phil will be living back in Alabama and won't be able to attend. This was also the first con where we had copies of Metro Med #0 to sell, though I'm sorry to say we didn't attract enough people by our table. It didn't help that I spent too much time away from my spot due to... well, let me explain.

Mark Steyn's horror movie reviews come off as a bit whiney, though it would be hard not to whine when the subjects are "The Blair Witch Project," "Interview With The Vampire," "Wolf" and "Mary Shelley's Frankenstein."

Especially "Blair Witch." It's fashionable to hate the movie now, but I hated it back before it was hip. Actually, that's not true; I considered it a wasted opportunity. All of the "wandering in the forest" footage is an irritating timewaster. I realize they're trying to be "unscripted" while ad-libbing, but the repetitious whining of "where the @&$# are we?" gets on my nerves. I may never have been an Eagle Scout, but I know enough to say, "Let's figure out which way is north and walk in one direction." And frankly, I'm a boring guy to be around but if I was wandering in the forest I could at least make some attempts at conversation. The great thing about being raised with inhibitions against swearing is it forces you to develop a vocabulary. In 90 minutes, there is one interesting bit of conversation where one guy corrects the others that it was "The Skipper" on Gilligan's Island, not "The Captain". That's weak, I know, but what does it say about this movie that it's the only line in 90 minutes that isn't some derivation of "JOSH!" or "Where the f*** is the map?"

I think the most disappointing thing about the movie was that the Sci-Fi Channel's promotional documentary was better written, more informative and quite creepy, wetting your whistle to go see a movie about three foul-mouthed incompetents who don't know how to find North portrayed by three meager actors who don't know how to ad-lib.

AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) worm plays nasty new trick

John Britton points out that I was quoted in a legal journal.

I saw that news item about George Takei and clicked over to Monitor Duty to begin my write-up, my mind culling Star Trek trivia for the appropriate headline.

"Mr. Sulu, you have the Coming Out."
"Star Trek cast now even more diverse."
"Gold for command, red for security...what's pink?"
"When did Mr. Sulu find the incilination to have a family?"
"Oh sure, next you'll tell me Harvey Fierstein is gay."

So what does Bruce, who beat me to it, use as his headline? "Mr. Sulu comes out as gay/homosexual"

I'm going to have to send Bruce off to riffing class.

See the flying lawnmower!

King Kong might get renamed King Long. Peter Jackson has negoitated a 3 hour running time for the new King Kong. That means fewer showings a day for a movie that is now trying to make up for a $200 million budget.

But I predict that this movie will be far more successfull than Spielberg's "War of the Worlds".

In case you didn't know, the new season of the animated Teen Titans has launched a season-long storyline pitting the Titans against the Brotherhood of Evil (after kicking off with a surprisingly faithful Doom Patrol two-parter). This led into the Brotherhood uniting ALL of the Titans enemies...which is rather similar to the season-long Legion of Doom plotline on JLU!

Comics Continuum reports that future episodes of Teen Titans will be introducing Kid Flash (or possibly Impulse, if they want the unique name, though it's definitely Bart's Kid Flash outfit in the preview art), Red Star, "three rambunctious future superheroes" (?) and... and... Gnarrk.

Gnarrk, seriously.

Slither looks to be another horror/comedy akin to "Eight Legged Freaks", albeit with many more legit scary parts. And it stars Nathan Fillion (Captain Mal of "Serenity").

Oprah gets to feel the Dark Side of the Force. (MOV file; Right-click and choose "SAVE AS")

Courtesy of ScienTOMogy.com.

Scotty: "Ordinarily, I could do it with a piece of transparent aluminum..." Sulu: "You're about 150 years too early for that."

Dr. Nichols: "Transparent Aluminum?"
Scotty: "That's the ticket laddie."
Dr. Nichols: "Oh, it'd take years to figure out the dynamics of this matrix."
McCoy: "But you'd be rich beyond the dreams of averice."
Scotty: "So. Is it worth something ta ya...or should I just...punch up clear."
Dr. Nichols: "No! No... What did you have in mind...?"
McCoy: "A moment alone, please. You know, if we give him the formula, we'll be altering the future."
Scotty: "Why? How do you know he didn't invent the thing!"

That's from 1986's "Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home". And apparently, they DID screw up the timeline by giving him the matrix, because after only 19 years of development (instead of the original 150), the military now has transparent aluminum!

And apparently, this is just the latest in a string of Star Trek marvels that are on their way to being fact. And this doesn't even include the more "mundane" inventions like the flip-open communicators we all have now and the small handheld computers that can store gigabytes of info.

Newseum.org offers users a chance to see the newspaper front pages for any given day.

Hat tip to Kathleen Parker who used it as a reference for an interesting column.

Gordon Purcell, an artist well-known for X-Files and Star Trek, and currently working on Flare as well as several historical comics and a couple DC animated books, and a buddy of mine from mid-west cons, was on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" yesterday and today. After ascending to the $25,000 level yesterday, he continued on to the $50,000 mark today. His question was a bit challenging, so he chose to switch the question...and got an even more difficult one. Stepping away from the game, Gordon left with $50,000 (well, before taxes) to spend with his wife and son at Disney World. Gordon is also planning to donate some of his winnings to a charity specializing in autism.

Mr. Purcell had a tough set of questions, but he handled them well. The contestant who was on before him actually left because she didn't know, of Saturn, Mars, Venus and Pluto, which one was a gas giant! Frankly, that's a $100 question, and it's amazing that anyone could be so devoid of knowledge of our solar system. I think I could have answered that one at seven years old! Contrast that with Gordon's entry level question about the alternate name for the American Revolutionary War; I knew it was the War for Independence, but it's not child-level easy.

Gordon claims to have only had two hours of sleep, but he came across as energetic and funny. He also did a special sketch for the show of hostess Meredith Viera as a superheroine.

Way to go, Gordon!

I was gone for a few days and missed the recent hubbub. Did you miss it too? What was the recent hubbub?

Gail Simone and John Byrne are off of Action Comics. Yeah, I know, it sucks. I was buying Action Comics for the first time in almost a decade! Gail's witty writing sparkled (I loved Bizarro arguing that the prequels are better than the original trilogy) and John's art took me back to those halcyon 1986 days when he first drew the Man of Steel. But, apparently, they were just the fill-in team between permanent teams.

And that's the nub of the problem. Allegedly, Gail and Byrne weren't told this. While Gail has publicly shrugged it off, Byrne has responded in his usual hot-blooded manner...causing the many people who like getting riled up by everything Byrne says to become the hub of the bub.

Beau Smith responds with "God Bless America and John Byrne", a well-put and "about time" appraisal of John Byrne and his foot-in-keyboard problem. I like this bit:

God bless the folks that post comments on whatever statements John Byrne decides to make. I just wish they were a little more picky about what they get upset about in life.

Press release:

Comic book artist Gordon Purcell will be appearing on the hit syndicated game show WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE on October 18 and 19th!

Purcell is known to comic fans for long runs on various STAR TREK titles for DC and Malibu Comics, along with work on THE X-FILES, SILVER SABLE, XENA, YOUNG INDIANA JONES, KOLCHAK THE NIGHT STALKER, LOST IN SPACE, ROBIN, FLASH, JLA, ELVIRA, SOULSEARCHERS and WONDER MAN. He currently draws FLARE for Heroic Publishing, along with upcoming stories for JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED for DC. He's also drawing graphic novels for teens including BEN FRANKLIN, THOMAS JEFFERSON and ELEANOR ROOSEVELT for Capstone and THE TROJAN HORSE for Lerner Books.

The two episodes should be filled with plenty of comic talk, along with a super illustration of host Meredith Vieira in all her glory. "I only had two hours of sleep before taping the shows, so I was a little bit goofy" Purcell said. "But I'm pretty sure it'll be entertaining." Watch Gordon Purcell climb the money tree on WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE on Oct. 18-19th. Check local listings for times and channels.

(WARNING: Spoiler in the last paragraph of the linked article.)

Steyn's Serenity review includes this choice comment:

...Kaylee, who doesn’t seem to get much else to do. She’s the interplanetary version of a bluestocking — a whizzo mechanic with not much of a sex life — played by Jewel Staite. That’s right: Jewel Staite. For a space show, the characters all have fairly normal names — Mal, Zoe, Simon — but they’re played by actors who sound like minor parts in Star Wars: Summer Glau, Morena Baccarin. The bad guy is a shadowy operative called The Operative, and he’s played by an actor called Chewitel Ejiofor. Didn’t Chewitel Ejiofor get killed by Mace Windu and Oppo Rancisis in Attack of the Clones?

Aquaman appears on Smallville next week:

"Aqua" During a beach party Lois hits her head when she jumps into the lake, and a mysterious swimmer comes to her rescue, out-swimming baffled Clark.

Why an Atlantean is in Kansas is anyone's guess.

Jeffrey Hardy Quah has been commenting on the Crisis threads, and as an added bonus he gets his comments posted instantly! Why? Because he has a Typekey ID, just like Cpl. Otter and I do. When a user has Typekey, I know they're not a spammer and they can be trusted to post without approval or editing. Typekey also gives your comments more of an Identity, so that you can post your web site links, secure your e-mail address and it prefills all of your information, making commenting easy.

I guess what I'm saying is: try Typekey! It's free and you'll have it set up in two minutes or less. And that's only if you're a slow typist.

"Life as a catchphrase" is Mark Steyn's tribute to James Doohan.

I almost missed this! In that article about the man who edited "The Shining" into a feel-good comedy (see my post and Seth Gottlieb's post from yesterday) is a link to ANOTHER submission:

West Side Story redone as the zombie movie 28 Days Later. (Right click on that and choose "Save As" to see it in Quicktime.)

And here's a Scary Version of Titanic!

I hope I can find more of these.
(Oh, and "re-trailer" is my own term. It's actually something I came up with a few years ago for, er, something else that I'll tell you about someday. Just remember that I used it here publicly and if you see it on Wikipedia someday, give me the credit.)

It's James Blond! Daniel Craig will be the first blonde man to play Bond. (And why not? You don't have to have "James Bond hair" to get cast. After all, Sean Connery was the first bald man to play James Bond.)

It sounds like this is still somewhat-unofficial, although Pierce Brosnan is already upset about it so he knows he's lost the role.

Ron H. replies with the following info about napalm:

Columbia Encyclopedia, Sixth Edition, Copyright (c) 2005.

Napalm
(nâ´päm) , incendiary material developed during World War II by Harvard scientists cooperating with the U.S. army and used in bombs and flame throwers. Napalm is based on a mixture of gasoline, sometimes mixed with other petroleum fuels, and a thickening agent. The thickener, to which the term napalm was originally applied, turns the mixture into a thick jelly that flows under pressure, as when shot from a flame thrower, and sticks to a target as it burns. One of the first thickeners used was an aluminum soap (a salt of aluminum and certain fatty acids). Later thickeners have been based on polystyrene and similar polymers.

Actually from talking to my Airborne Sniper downstairs....(My office security officer) he told me that Napalm burns even on water.

He refers me to accounts of Napalm used in Japan prior to the Atomic bombs being dropped. He says its so nasty that it would leave residue and doesn't stop burning until their is nothing else to burn. Hence why in Nam we dropped it in the jungle to clear massive areas.

A book called "they also served" about the Dogs used by the Marine corps, tells of our marines shooting napalm into one side of a cave and then stationing dogs at the exit (other side). Many of the Japanese soldiers were afraid of dogs and the napalm roasting was just pure nasty.

The next James Bond is still being cast, even though "Casino Royale" is set to film very soon. The role could go back to Pierce Brosnan, but the producer wants new meat (and probably a lower asking price).

Goran Visnjic of "E/R" is up for the role. Wow. I've thought this guy was a dud since the moment he donned a stethoscope. Daniel Craig of "Road to Perdition" is a favorite. I'd rather see the role go to a newcomer.

At this point, the only certainty is that there will be product placement of cars and cell phones.

It's been a while since I posted movie trailer links...mostly because there haven't been any great trailers to point you to.

Zathura does to sci-fi what Jumanji did to the jungle, except that this movie looks way better than Jumanji. (I never understood the point of making CGI zoo animals when you could just get zoo animals.) The premise is almost identical: kids play a spooky old board game and everything on the cards they draw comes to life.

I like the robot.

I forgot to tell you all about the trailer for Doom that we saw before Serenity. It was laughable. Literally, the audience was giggling and guffawing at it. Instead of trying to find a decent movie in a video game, they've made a movie about a video game. You could actually hear the eyeballs rolling the first time the camera shoots from first-person perspective while strafing and scrolling up staircases just like in the game. I would have a hard time believing that this movie will make its budget back, except that there probably are enough first-person-shooter fans to make the film profitable. I think "Doom" is a bad name to put on a movie this year.

Speaking of doomed, John Kerry has a new movie coming out. "Inside the Bubble" is a documentary that was originally intended to be the behind the scenes look at how Kerry won the presidency, so the film crew was given extraordinary access to the campaign. The result is a revealing look at just how often people use the F-word in the Democratic Party. There are also inflatable, anatomically correct farm animals (which were only resorted to when a real pony could not be procured), offers of wood, lucky buckeyes and music by Bruce Springsteen.

A warehouse holding figurines, props and sets from the three Wallace and Gromit Shorts as well as Chicken Run and other Aardman Animation works was destroyed by fire. Animator Nick Park is trying to take it well, especially in light of far more serious news such as the massive earthquake in Pakistan.

Unicef bombs the Smurfs in fund-raising campaign for ex-child soldiers.

Julie Lamoureux, account director at Publicis for the campaign, said the agency's original plans were toned down.

"We wanted something that was real war - Smurfs losing arms, or a Smurf losing a head -but they said no."

Even this wouldn't have shocked American audiences, considering that Seth Green's "Robot Chicken" did a parody of Se7en using the Smurfs.

Cripple Fight: The Game is a Flash game where you can play as Jimmy or Timmy.

The Hanso Foundation has background that could prove fruitful.

You can also view the Dharma Initiative training video.

Remember when "Jerry Maguire" had different trailers, so that you didn't know if it was a weepy chick flick, a hilarious comedy about a guy with a cute kid, an aggressive sports film or a lame attempt at marketing a forced catchphrase? It was proof that the impression of a movie is all in the editing of the trailer.

Here's more proof. This spoof trailer for The Shining is hilarious. (Right-click and "Save As" on this Quicktime MOV file.) It's done by an editor who entered a contest for New York editors to change the genre for one of six movies. (The others were Super Size Me, Red River, Titanic, The Parent Trap, and West Side Story.)

Thanks to Phil Meadows for the tip; he got it from Drew Geraci's board.

If all movies debut to weak numbers, will they be given a break because attendance is down in general?

Serenity has not even made its own budget back yet (though you KNOW it'll do fabulously on DVD, that's not good enough), and Wallace and Gromit did not get the superstar attention it deserved. (Frankly, I've seen so few ads I didn't know it was debuting last weekend.)

For years, I've wondered when I'll be an adult. I'm 35, but it still feels weird when kids call me "mister". I'm still not half the man my dad was when he was 25. I've thought about writing an article about how WWII photographs show rugged adults who looked more confident and mature at all of twenty years old than Matth LeBlanc looks at pushing-40. (Granted, it doesn't help that LeBlanc plays a guy who acts like he's still in college.) It used to be at 18 that you became "a man," but I don't think that's true anymore; now you just become "a guy". "A man" is someone who looks like he has to go open a hardware store; "a guy" looks like he wants to get back to Playstation.

I've often wondered what the causes of this are. I'm sure a big one is that we marry so late now. Marriage makes you get a house, a mortgage, people who depend on you to not be a schlub; it awakens you to finance, local politics and what's going on in your community. Having an additional decade or two of self-orientation has got to be a large part of it.

Libertas points me to a new column about this very thing. Here are some choice quotes, ellipses by me:

The UK's Channel 4 has a strange promo for "Lost" featuring the cast members dancing on the sands. You can download it as an MPEG (12 megs). Right-click the link and choose "save as".

... it's set to a druggy Portishead song, called "Numb": "I'm ever so lost/I can't find my way..."

(Tip of the hat to Roger Ebert's webmaster)

Jabootuish Jargon includes:

The Misleading Masculine Moniker Rule (n): This stipulates that any incoming scientific expert in a ’50s sci-fi film will sport an androgynous or downright mannish first name (or be referred to by initials) like Pat or Steve, only to turn out to be a woman. This will set up a ‘meet cute’ "Why, you’re a girl!" scene between her and the film’s hero, which in turn will establish her as the film’s obligatory Love Interest.

Monster Death Trap Proviso (n): This stipulates that any stratagem to destroy a monster, once it has failed, may not be attempted again, even if it only failed because of some bizarre fluke. Nor can the same plan be refined and tried again. Instead, a completely other plan must be formulated.

Spring-Loaded Cat (n): (Coined by The Phantom of the Movies) The ubiquitous kitty that invariably jet propels itself out of closets and cabinets during horror movies, creating a false scare.

Also see Roger Ebert's little movie glossary.

This one snuck up on me! Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit opens today, with currently a 95% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes and 3.5 stars from Roger Ebert.

Speaking of Rotten Tomatoes, Serenity stands at 81%.

I suddenly realized that several articles I was reading in the space of 24 hours had a common theme: the refutation of current movies.

I've updated Monitor Duty Central as well as Scott Beatty's message board to have numerous board styles available. They are now defaulted to the "Comic Book" layout, but you can choose your own styles by signing in to the board and changing the setting in your profile.

Have fun!

Phil Meadows and I are hard at work on improving the Metro Med web site in time for FallCon this weekend. We've set up www.metromedcomic.com to host the site, and Phil is making new graphics. Tonight I'll be adding more material.

Some of you have asked me why I'm not screaming loudly about the fact that Metro Med #0 is now for sale. Frankly, I'm waiting until FallCon is over because I have under 100 copies on hand and I have to hold them for FallCon. Once this weekend is over I can sell any of the remaining copies, so I'll begin advertising and promoting them once I'm in the clear.

I hope to see some of you at FallCon. It's the one convention I truly love to attend because it's two days of big friendly crowds, lots of chatting, selling and signing, meeting pros I admire and getting outbid at the annual fundraising auction. (I'm surprised more people don't attend the con just because of the auction. You wouldn't believe some of the goodies that are donated.) Phil, Erik Burnham and I will be there. If you're within a few hours' drive of the Twin Cities, be sure to attend FallCon!

Oh look. He called it Serenity Now.

That joke is getting old fast.

Next year will be the 40th Anniversary of the movie "MANOS" The Hands of Fate (and that IS the correct punctuation). The Agony Booth directed me to a wonderful article from the 30th Anniversary, "The Hand That Time Forgot" by Richard Brandt. Brandt also has a follow-up article, "Growing Up Manos," which recounts the movie from the perspective of the badly-dubbed little girl.

Nicolas Cage and wife Alice are parents of boy

Nicolas' son is named Kal-el Coppola Cage.

You know, I've thought about naming a son Clark, but I'd be afraid that that would be too geeky.

"Kal-el"? KAL-FREAKING-EL? If you're determined to do a bizarre insider trivia name as the title by which your poor son is going to have to be identified for the rest of his life as he goes through the miseries of high school, dating and college...why not something REALLY obscure like "Jax-Ur Cage" or "Mix-Yes-Spit-Lick Cage" or "McGurk Cage"?

Here's hoping his son figures out early to just go by "Kal" and hope people think it's a tribute to Coolidge.

By the by, I don't know what you're seeing in that ad to the right (it might be a rotating image) but the ad I'm seeing has a man in a tux, shot from low angle, with black curly hair and glasses and a jutting jaw, reaching up for his buttons on his collar as though he's about to duck into a phone booth. What a coincidence.

Years ago, at the first Dixon Dinner I attended, I actually disputed Chuck's assertion that Armageddon was a better movie than Deep Impact (with both of us agreeing that the two films were awful, but which was better?).

I could spend a week reading The Agony Booth reviews. Actually, weeks; every review is longer than an X-Men mega-crossover.

Bookmark this one!

The FallCon 2005 Panel Schedule has been announced and I'm wondering when I'll have time to appear at my table! Between Tom Nguyen showcasing scenes from his new DVD, the author of "The Physics of Superheroes" lecturing on super-science, the world premiere of the Uptown Girl movie, and the chance to see panels with Joe Staton, Marshall Rogers, Steve Engelhart, Terry Austin, Terry Beatty and Christopher Jones, I might spend all my time in the panel room!

There's a huge list of professionals now attending FallCon. Every year the list gets filled up with more big-name stars and I'd like to publicly thank the Minnesota Comic Book Association for still finding the room to let Erik Burnham, Phil Meadows and I to appear.

I can't wait to get my best copy of Green Lantern #198 signed by both Steve Engelhart and Joe Staton!

Will any Monitor Duty readers be at FallCon? The convention is at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds, north of St. Paul on Snelling Avenue and just a hop, skip and jump south of THE SOURCE!