what kind of movie reviews can I write?

It's simple! There are three sorts of movie reviews I have written, attempted to write, or actually had published in one form or another.

I have written normal formal movie reviews in my high school newspaper (this was nearly ten years ago) and a few on Monitor Duty (although there have been far less here than I had intended, thanks to my poor habits and discipline level at times), which is why there are no reviews of Spider-Man 2, Spider-Man 3, or Cloverfield. That sort of movie review is where I assess the quality of a movie, summarize a bit of the plot and the execution thereof, the performances of the actors and technical aspects of the film as well as other details. In those sorts of writings major spoilers, especially of an intensive or extensive nature (let alone of a nature of both kinds) is frowned upon.

What I intended to do with X-Men: The Last Stand, yet failed to do, was a traditional movie review, and the second kind of review immediately afterwards. The second kind of movie review is what I know as the Spoilermaker. It launches into the movie vengefully telling you what counts, what matters, and bringing up the dumbest and most horrific (surprising) points of/about the movie as like a traitor's head jammed onto a pike. You the reader will know ahead of time that it is a Spoiler-filled article right away because the sort of review is told to you so thus you have no room to complain that I spoiled the movie for you. The first sentence will contain a massive spoiler which will remove all reason to see a movie if the movie truly sucks and perhaps may contain extra incentive if the movie is awesome, although a Spoilermaker is more fun to write and more worthwhile to read or even to exist in the case of bad movies. I have never successfully pulled off a Spoilermaker that my increasingly senile mind can recall.

The third kind of movie is a capsule review. These are the stuff you usually see on Amazon and are what I (and other users) have worked in with the Flixter application on Facebook. These are short reviews that generally only hit on one or two points that really seem exceptionally relevant to the writer. What the reviews say present a specific idea or a laserlike focus on one or two or three aspects of the film, stuff that jumps out quite right.

In part it is important that I introduce all of these concepts in this short order and prepare all supposed readers for my intentions.

I intend to dump all of my Flixter-prepared Capsule reviews on Monitor Duty for the rest of this month.

They will be short; it will be sweet. No one will complain. Least of all me.